The internet’s greatest comic book blogger, Chris Sims, of the Invincible Super-Blog, is running his third annual 30-Second Recap Contest, in which contestants create (typically poor quality) retellings of comic book storylines past or present. Sims set some high standards himself, and few can match his wit, charm or, um, crayon skills, but that doesn’t stop us from trying.
In 1989 or ’90, John Byrne took over the writing duties on Marvel Comics’ Iron Man title for a very brief period, in which he was stuck having to fulfill the sequel to a popular story arc from a few years prior called “Armor Wars.” Of course, Byrne’s story ended up having absolutely nothing to do with the original, which had Tony Stark’s alter ego Iron Man hunting down unauthorized uses of his patented armor technology, kind of like a one-man, heavily-armed RIAA.
“Armor Wars II” ended up being some sort of allegory for Stark’s corporate and personal lifestyle choices, I think, but really, it didn’t make very much sense nor did it advance the title’s characters or plots in any significant way. But it did feature the art of my favorite comic book artist, John Romita, Jr., and, well, to save you the pain of those seven-odd issues, here’s my 30-second (give or take a few minutes) recap of “Armor Wars II”…
That wasn’t a typo in panel 5, by the way. That was goddamn Tony Stark slurring his speech! That bastard’s trying to make me look the fool. I won’t have it!
Man alive, I know I read those, but…that whole stretch of Iron Man just runs together for me. You totally cleared it up, and funny too!
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